The Words I Never Thought I’d Say.

I MISS THE PILL. 

THERE. 

I SAID IT, OKAY?

*Let’s out a cry of despair*  

I tried to be this new age, hormone-free woman, but I don’t know if I can hack this menstruating life. How do you all do it? How have you got through life so far, whilst bleeding every, bloody, month?

I’m being over dramatic as usual, but after 11 years of ‘fake’ periods, mild cramps and only a slight feeling of impending doom… these past couple of months have been a whole new world. And no, not a new fantastic point of view. There were no pet tigers or magic carpets involved, which has been hugely disappointing.

I was lulled into a false sense of security when I first came off the pill 6 months ago. Going back and reading my previous blog post makes me want to punch the positive, shiny, me in the face. My body hadn’t had enough time to re-adjust. Whereas now, I’ve had some time to experience how being au natural really effects my body, mind and that all important time of the month. So here is my latest review of being contraception free, the pros and cons, the good, the bad, and the UGLY

PROS of being off the contraceptive pill

  • No alarm at 7pm everyday telling me it’s time to take my pill. Peace at last.
  • Feeling lighter.
  • No panic sweats when I stay out and my pill packet is still lying on my bedside table, unopened. 
  • A little less plastic and paper waste.
  • Better bowel movements. Mostly. I won’t talk too much about my poo. But just know my poos are good. 
  • No extra oestrogen coursing through my body. 
  • I’m giving my body a hormonal break after 11 years. Surely that’s a good thing?
  • There is no concrete evidence that the pill had caused the ectropion on my cervix, which was causing me to bleed after sex… but I no longer bleed after sex anymore! Which is a party!
  • Proper periods… although this counts as both a pro and a con I suppose. 

 

CONS of being off the contraceptive pill

  • The PMS. Oh, the PMS. The PMS is terrible. Poor, poor Matthew (Matthew: long suffering boyfriend and engineer extraordinaire). 
  • The “I’m definitely pregnant!” scare which lasts approximately 2 days and includes worrying about how we’d afford nappies and a pushchair. 
  • Teenage acne coming back to haunt me. Having not had problem skin for a couple of years, I’ve been waking up with boulders between my eye brows. I have been forced to invest in some good, (way too) expensive, skin-care. Now anything sugary that passes my lips, is sure to result in a white head within 4 hours. 
  • More irregular periods. It’s never the same every month. Hence the “I’M PREGNANT!” scare that happens frequently. 
  • The fatigue. I have little energy before, during and the week after my period. Yes, I’ve eaten lots of spinach and yes I take supplements, I’m still a walking, bleeding, zombie.
  • CRAMPIN’ HELL! This sh*t hurts.
  • Heavier periods.
  • Condoms. I mean, what a faff. Great if you’re more of a free-spirit, but not so much over in our house. Right, engineer extraordinaire? 

 

I have to be honest, if I didn’t have all these ‘fake news’ articles floating round my head about the effects of the contraceptive pill, I would probably still be on it. It’s these that are stopping me from running down to the pharmacy tomorrow, and ordering my repeat prescription. 

(Oh bugger), was really hoping I would end up some kind of transcendent, ethereal, goddess of no-added hormones and living my best natural life. Instead, I’m living a natural life of turbulent PMS, bouts of anaemia and downing peppermint tea, whilst changing my tampon. Maybe I just need to take that on the chin, and accept that that’s what having a womb is all about. 

We do this every month though, don’t we? Literal blood, sweat and tears. I do think that’s great, even when it’s hard. We turn up for work on time, boss that meeting, leak into our knickers, run for the train, pick up our kids from school, double over in pain, don’t cancel on friends, go out for that drink, pull out our tampon or Mooncup in another public toilet, and still manage to laugh and be amazing, glowing humans.

This all feels relatively new to me, even at 25 years old, but through all the bad and the ugly, periods are something that should be celebrated. And certainly acknowledged. 

Could someone with a penis do it? I’d love to find out. 

Sorry, couldn’t resist. 

 

Power and positivity to all of you coming on, midway through or just coming off your period. That’s another one ticked off the list (only another 290 to go!) 

S x

 

 

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