Cat Vaginas, Natural Yogurt and Blood In Your Knickers! – Meet the ‘Bitch Hoes’ (Part 1)

You’re probably wondering what the F I’m on about from reading the title of this post. WELL. Let me explain. I have a couple of blog posts coming up, a series if you’re fancy, written and worded by some of my oldest, dearest, maddest mates. This particular group of girls I will introduce you to I have known collectively since the age of 11. But some of them are my home girls from the tender age of 5. So you know, we are tight. We joined forces in Year 7 and have been getting drunk in fields ever since. They are wonderful. The girl group to end all girl groups. These are their stories. Their vaginas. Let me introduce you to the Bitch Hoes

Bitch Hoes on Wikipedia: 

Bitch Hoes, a group on WhatsApp made up of 7 really brilliant women. The group was founded on Facebook and WhatsApp between 2015-2017, but previously members of the group have been chatting daily since 1998. The name originates from…. well there is no origin. It is what it says on the tin. The Bitch Hoes. Take that as you will. The group discussions usually focus on, believe it or not, vaginas, penises, goats and a shit ton of photos and memes. Also included in the highly important group chat are conversations on physical and mental health, women, love, heaps of advice, undying support and general adoration for one another. A popular theme currently is the ‘Friday Positivity Message’ where each member of the group shares a positive of their week. All of the members originate from a small town in Hertfordshire and are currently spreading their wings and putting out fires in all areas of life. Basically being complete bosses.

Since beginning my Gash Gossip journey, the Bitch Hoes have been a constant for support, words of encouragement and of course fanny tales. It felt only right to include them all in a couple of special posts dedicated to them and their vaginas. Funnily enough every one of us 7 members of the group have a vagina, and so every one of us should get the opportunity to chat about it, right? Right.

This post, as you can see by the title, is Part 1 where you will be introduced to the first two members of this very exclusive group. Be prepared to think about cat vaginas and natural yogurt up your flange! 

First up it’s Charlotte. The Jill to my Marion. A 24 year old digital marketing strategist living her best life in the Big Apple! With a “wonky, wobbly, perfectly imperfect little wonder” of a vagina. 

Do you have any vagina related conditions? If yes, how does this affect your day
to day life?
I used to be really susceptible to thrush after too much sex which got REALLY
frustrating. I remember once at uni a friend caught me buying Canesten in Boots and I
lied and pretended it was for a skin condition which is madness looking back on it now.
Own it! Oh and I also once tried sticking a tampon slathered in natural yogurt inside me
because I read somewhere that it was a natural remedy. Don’t try it: it’s messy, smelly
and doesn’t work.

How often do you seek medical advice regarding your lady parts?
Rarely. The first time I got thrush I spent two whole days working myself up to go to the
docs about it, and then when I finally did I spent the whole time sweating profusely. I
also refused to see a male doctor and probably would still only see a female about my
fanny to this day.

How often do you speak to friends, family, your partner about your vagina?
Omg all the time. I swear 90% of the topic of conversation with Bitch Hoes is fanny
focused. I’m very open with my boyfriend as well – if I’m sore I’ll get him to stick his head between my legs in a totally un-sexy way and check it out (poor fella). Growing up with my mum and sister meant vaginas were discussed pretty frankly at home as well.

What is one thing you would like to see change about the way women talk about
their vaginas?
I would love us to lose the stigma and shame attached to our vaginas. So many women
(myself included) find it uncomfortable to publicly discuss them, but they are SO
powerful and important. They are self-cleansing, orgasm-inducing, keys to new life! We
should be screaming from the rooftops about how wonderful they are!

What do you dislike about your vagina?
I don’t like how paranoid it makes me. Does it smell funny? Does it look like other vaginas? Have I shaved? Will my new underwear irritate it? Have I bled through my knickers? WHO CARES?!

What do you love about your vagina?
I love that she is my gateway to intimacy with my boyfriend (and myself!). I love that she
is smart enough to send me signals when things aren’t quite right down there, and that
one day (hopefully) she is literally going to be able to pass new life into the world.

A big warm Gash Gossip welcome to Lauren too! Our 25 year old veterinary nurse, diagnosing all our pets problems on the reg. via WhatsApp! 

Lauren, hi! 

Hi! I’m a 25-year-old single pringle still living with my rents and spend most of my life
working – just like most 20-somethings I know. My vagina knowledge is minimal – I know
more (too much) about dog and cat vaginas than I do my own. (n.b I’m a veterinary
nurse and a general understanding of animal vaginas and penises is occasionally
required for certain parts of my job. Definitely not some weirdo who looks up animal
genitalia for fun…)

What does your vagina get up to at the moment?
It leads a pretty boring life, but it’s functional, does what it’s told and rarely has any
issues. I don’t have any vagina related conditions at present – apart from loneliness and sexual neglect. 

Have you had any recent health related issues concerning your lady parts? 
No, thankfully. But I really really need to book my smear test!

How often do you speak to friends, family, your partner about your vagina?
It’s a pretty taboo subject in my household – mainly because I live with my rents and it
very rarely comes up in dinner conversation, but it’s up and coming with my Bitch Hoes.

What do you dislike about your vagina?
It’s a pretty ugly organ and shaving/waxing rash is literally the most annoying thing in the world!

What would you like to see more of on the Gash Gossip blog?
Maybe stuff regarding contraception? I feel like there are so many choices and lots of nasty side effects that need to be discussed. 

Thank you Charlotte and Lauren for sharing a little bit about your minge and for being open, honest and unfiltered. That’s what the gossip is all about! 

What I love the most about these girls is that there was a time when NONE of us would discuss these sorts of intimate topics with each other. Now, it is all we talk about. And so it should be. These women are just as much a part of my mission to make talking about our fannies normal. Especially when 50% of the time, nothing about a fanny is normal. They do stuff on their own accord and having friends at the other end of WhatsApp is literally a god send on the days when the minge is misbehaving.

Part 2 coming soon! 

 

Thank you so much for coming back. Working on this wee blog brings me SO much joy I cannot tell you. It brings a bit of light to my week when there is too much bloody dark. I hope it is helping some of you with your fanny troubles or it is making you book your smear test (Lauren! I’m looking at you!) Reading about other vaginas, in a non-scary/you’re going to die way, really helped me this year. And even if you’re not experiencing anything at the moment, I hope you’re laughing and nodding along with the rest of us. 

Throwing loads of girl power at you today. Go and give your best mates a big squeeze!

Soph x

07/11/2018

 

 

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